Raping Me Was Fun for Him

Music: Prelude in E minor.
By Dimitri Shostakovich. Sequenced by J. Marques.

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Copyright by
Nicholas Gordon

Raping me was fun for him.
After, he asked me how I liked it.
Perhaps he already lived in a cell,
Ex-communicated, soul-deaf.
I told him and he laughed, stroked me.
So? He was boss. On top.
A woman wanted that, no?
Crying, crying, I said nothing.
Rape was a wound across my sky.
I saw blackness beyond the blue.
My life was twisted, like those girders
Earthquakes throw brutally to the ground.
After such helplessness, what hope?
Going on with my life in blackness,
A black sky, black rage in my heart,
In my mind an endless blackness,
Nothing within me but blackness
Screamed at the boy no longer there,
The screams like walls I took with me,
The walls of screams protecting me,
How could I love without seeing?
Even so, the light pierced me,
Shattering the cell of fury,
Opening my heart again
Under a new sun, once more
Laughing in the chill of fear.

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